This Monday I will embark on one of the most challenging adventures of my life. Like many people, 2020 changed my life in many ways. I fell down a lot, fell short of my ideals, and the man I thought I was. For me, ordaining was a structured way to face the parts of myself I would rather not face. Living in the world I notice the tendency to find ways out, distractions. I could work on my business, hang out with friends, go surfing – even wholesome activities were in many cases a distraction. Living here, I am slowly stripping things back. Touching into the pain and accepting it on deeper and deeper levels.
Then my teacher introduced the next level, a traditional practice done in Thailand: living completely isolated in the forest, on a small platform (2x1m), without food for extended periods of time. After the weekend I will be down there for 7 days. Alone in the forest, no clock, no light, no food, no tea, no books, no writing, no time, no space, no end and, hopefully, no self.
My intention is to use this time to re-connect with my strength and love of practice and silence. To find the part of me that sits beyond my tendency to get lost in my stories; to more deeply settle into my inner wisdom. I hope to emerge from the forest with a deeper level of inner stability to share tea from.
Truly and deeply alone
Only my breath
And a mosquito net
You have no power here
I have listened to you long enough